Today’s words are a mess. I haven’t touched my pen in three days, and sometime in those 72 hours, I lost my ability to write. I wrote a few paragraphs, but they’re so poorly written that you can barely call them paragraphs, so I decided to quit and walk away.
But walking away hurt more than publishing terrible paragraphs and as it turns out, my pen didn’t want to write paragraphs. It just wanted to take notes.
Words on paper are still words on paper; right?
— UNEDITED FIRST DRAFT NOTES EDITION —
– My words are flowing like rotten molasses: slow and bad.
– Those paragraphs sounded like another boring monolog: all about me and nothing about you. Exactly what I don’t want to write.
– Why does taking a break for three days make for such awful writing?
– I feel like I want to quit. Right now. I don’t want to write another word. Done.
– I’m craving coffee and potato chips.
– Cravings: 1 – Willpower: 0
– Maybe I did too much this past weekend, and I’m burnt out?
– Am I feeling guilty for having done too much?
– Now I’m feeling guilty for feeling tired: I was too busy to write, now I’m too tired to write, and now my blog will fail, and I’ll go back to being a lonely ‘Stay-at-Home’ with no purpose and a basement filled with unfinished DIY projects…..
– Writing breaks are damaging.
– But does that mean I can never take a break once I become a real writer?
— WRITING REFLECTION NOTES EDITION —
I’ll admit this is hardly a post. I should be embarrassed it’s getting published, but not publishing it would be dishonest. There’s a lot of crap that comes between, “I dream of writing” to “I have good writing to share, ” and if I want to write about writing, I feel obliged to write about ALL writing.
As it turns out, these terrible notes were quite valuable today. Being able to see them typed out, allowed me to see a pattern I wasn’t able to see before I wrote: my sacral chakra is out.
When I’m back in my writing flow, I should come back and rewrite this post. Maybe I could write a piece on ‘Writing Breaks and Chakras’, or ‘A Lesson on Notetaking and Writer’s Block.’
I’m hoping this post never gets found, but if you’ve found it and you’ve read this far, I hope you feel encouraged to pick up your pen. Even if you’ve been on a writing break and your words flow like rotten molasses, write. Words on paper are still words on paper.
This post is a part of a 100 Day Writing Challenge series for bad new writers. You can follow along on Instagram @onemomswords to see if I ever find my writing voice in this deep pile of messy words.
This is a new blog: no purpose yet, no images yet, no clear sense yet; just words, lots of tangled words.