No time for intro’s today. This post was meant to become Day 13‘s rewrite, but that didn’t happen. I hate that I wrote about my past again but asking myself, “why do I actually hate this post,” taught me more than I’d expected.
Still not a great piece, but even bad writing is still writing, right?
Unedited First Draft on top, Writing Reflection on the bottom
— UNEDITED FIRST DRAFT —
Deciding you want to “become” a writer is one thing. Knowing what to write about is another.
The realization that I wanted to become a writer struck as quick as the flick of a light switch. One moment I was sitting like a giddy school girl, taking notes as I listened to Elizabeth Gilbert guest lecture – completely starstruck – wondering how I’d found myself in this Feminine Power course,
“Oh my God! If I press 1, I can talk to the REAL Elizabeth Gilbert!”
And the next moment it hit me, you got here because this is what you’re meant to be doing with your life; your sought after “next step” is to become a writer.
I couldn’t believe it. My vision board hinted at “Professional DIY’er” or “Etsy Shop Owner” (still dreams). I wasn’t a writer! I had terrible grades in English class! I was crazy; I couldn’t write!
I was crazy, yes, but I wasn’t wrong; I was meant to become a writer.
For the first time, I was happy being a “Stay at home” mom, because I could finally use my brain more for more than just: cleaning, taxiing, cooking and cleaning. To be clear though, I was never ungrateful of the privilege of staying home with my kids, but up until the moment I joined the Feminine Power community, If felt like only half of me was allowed to exist: the practical half that everyone needed.
Writing would give me a new kind of challenge. I could learn, read and create, all while “Practical Nancy” obeyed her adulting duties.
With my new title: ‘Mom, wife & writer’ (!), I felt I was living a fantasy life. Until the record scratched, all went silent, and I had to write my first word.
— WRITING REFLECTION —
Hmm… It appears I’ve hit the same wall as on Day 13. I’ve written about my past, instead of answering one of your questions.
I think I’ve been hard enough on myself lately, so instead of critiquing today’s writing, I’ll sit back and wonder: why doesn’t this post about my past feel like the right thing to write?
– I’m glad I wrote it. I’ve written hundreds of similar posts that never got published so I can check, “Publish one post about your past”, off of my to-do list.
– Writing novel-like posts, instead of informative blog-style posts, are written in a different tense, one that I struggle with. So writing this post is good practice.
– I wrote and published, even if I didn’t like it; I showed up!
– I still didn’t help you. I only talked about myself, which makes my stomach turn even admitting it now.
– I didn’t discover anything new during this writing session, which is what I love most about this daily challenge.
As much as I want to feel frustrated about not fixing what I set out to fix, I’m happy with my con’s list discoveries.
Follow me on Instagram @onemomswords to see if I finally quit writing about my past.
This is a new blog: no purpose yet, no images yet, no clear sense yet; just words, lots of tangled words.